xvmy first axes femme dress was brought and will be shipped today. 3rd july 2024

it's been so long.... 16 September 2024. I honestly thought id be dead by 14 much less 13 so being 16 is kind of crazy. I'm getting my braces removed! sixth form is. hard and I dislike being alone, but it's less stressful then regular school. everyone's in their own worlds.!

it's winter break... God I need to make this look cute. I don't think the lack of quality can be hand waved away with "gap moeeee" anymore... hrghh. I feel really alone today, but i read my new copy of yuri kuma arashi 2 cheer me up.

i made an amv! a while ago it's 20th of December when I'm writing this. https://youtu.be/etOuEOsSF7o?si=LdN6Pnc0FLgWD9H4 . Im also working on a Yuri zone, that'll be fun. also also, I feel somewhat regretful of deleting most of my online presence up to the like, 4 months before I turned 15. I wish to look back and lament... but also do I reallllly. There r like two accounts one that's private that are still up from when I was 13 n that's it really.

im 17 now. 5th of august. its been a while, again. .. i just brought a bunch of lace. i wish i was human 22 september 2025 uneventful summer break i have one class today. I eill always be online Humanoid a Computer Angel Heart and thafs fine. i went to two conventions though. They were fun, but the people i were around were younger than me by like 2-4 years and it made me feel insecure haha. nothing i really liked there either except for some toyuys.. they had some tails as well...cute.i. getting more and more weary of my growing age and growing loneliness so i think i will first off archive this to look back on in the future and also start updating alot more often. i fancy myself a princess in a tower, dont i...

20:15 23/11 isnt christmas just 2 close?!?! icant wait until winter break. ive really been trying to land a job bcs my circumstances arent reallllly the best so id LUV ^/////^ to get a job to forget everything that was ever painful right... i just got rejected 4 times in a row, if you send a letter of rejection to me one more time im therowing myself off just kidddinggggg :3. other than that woke up today and was like i should reread I love amy and i did and its funny bcs i read it back in like 2022. i suppose im still a lot like amy but i envy that type of kindness... the art is rlly cute i hope it gets green yuri treatment soon.

58% look at my anthy keychain also i got a new camera im trying my best to work my ass off but i brought this camera for 5 dollars at the thrift so like. 6th dec also i see my excercise on my body more. hope i see it better on february...i have school pictures in 5 days so im wearing lolita. day before school pics.. 10th.. CHRISTMAS IN TWO WEEKS!!!!!! squeallll. got a bunch of compliments. ppl said i looked like a little victorian doll... i have to wash my dress though, i seemingly accidentally got it dirty. 15/12 Smashed the window pane with my right hand My blood ablaze, it drips down I cannot suppress my violent urges Towards myself and others Slashed a cross into my left hand My blood ablaze, it gushes out I cannot suppress my violent tendencies Towards myself and others (this is the the referemce in othe rnews got my timetable and also a stained my melo plush 27/12 - EEK! schools been school, and its christmas break... i brought four pieces of jfashion. lots have changed i want to talk abt it on new years. ill love myself THIS IS10/01/2025 SOTTY FOR BEJNG LATE IM IN THE CAR I WAS JUST OVERWHELMED W THE WANT TI RIGHT. bcs i have had a bad day. also i have exactly six months until my birthday. hiii its 20/01 this is really quick but i have mock exams. i hope i can imrpove in the next 4 months bcs ive been crying all week.,. i feel so so so so helpless... i can give up going outside bcs i dont usually go outside anyway and ill even give up yuri manga and movies but not cablechewing bcs this diary is hopefully going to help me fufill my voyeur and digi acceleration angel fantasies. i truly hate how stupid and heard too teach i am... id be okay with being slow academically but being socially slow is a whole different evil.. I never got to live my bandori dreams. sometimes i really wonder if humans are supposed to be social creatures. i feel like i kind of lie to myself. but i dont have a very strong sense of self either. i feel kind of like an insect or something, but i have such an animalistic hatred of things that ive got to be human Imao!!!!!!!! i want to be properly scared but properly happy as well. this numbness isnt nice at all. so im trying my hard to work from my broken base you know.???? even if i dont do well onmy a levels ill get a job in the summer and try and retake them after. i wont spend my eid or birthday money either. i am a true monk... a castrated one.;. jerking my penid.. but i dont want to die. i think that i am very unaware of most things to do with life, in part bcs of the type of circumstances i have lived. i want a beautiful adult life. i want to have friends, even if i still think that clone society would probably be the best way for a socially inept and ah-pathetic (it is unclear whether i am actually apathetic or torturing myself) sensitive young man like me. my whole life has felt like waiting..... this is what they were doing to dirk strider in homestuck fanart but i lowk suffered more than him bcs im a brown lesbian did not do well on my exam. i have such a rraw desire to be real right now. i really wish i was real more than anything. 21/01 i think i will up it to 4 hours. sns doesnt distract me nearly as much but im still going to keep screen trime to at most 1 hour for the forseeable future. apparently my plan to go to a jfashion meet might be in jeapordy. i really want to dream, even just once. todayss been nice so farrrrr i read some of the locked tomb n some random oneshots but im mostly focusing on reading up on ethics,,, listening to devi mccallion discog 25.01 februaries gone sooo quicky. 10/02. im going to be honest ive done horrible in my prep exams so i will probably at least try and delay my parents finding out as soon as humanly possible but otehr than that im going to try even more harder now. college. college. friends. dressing in nice skirts. im okay with redoing senior year but i might have to attempt a unsuccessful suicide attempt to punctuate my issues. i just binge watched chaser game and started friendly rivalry w, bless my wonderful gl otaku life.